Gail and Paul's First Date: A Parody

Author: David Christopher Lane
Publisher: MSAC Philosophy Group
Publication date: 1996

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Dear "An-Eckist":

Yes, I actually did do some research on the 1812 date, especially as
it related to earthquakes.

Sorry to report that I didn't find anything out about Paul
Twitchell, but then again the following could be true:

1. Paul was anxious to date Gail (20 when they met) and he just knew
there was no way he could tell her that he was really born in 1812.
One can only imagine the scenario: 

Paul: "Sorry that my book is overdue [remember they met at the

Gail: "Overdue! That's an understatement, It says here that the book
was checked out on October 23, 1830."

Paul:"Well, you know, shit happens and one thing leads to another
and you forget little details. You see, I am over 150 years old and
one of the problems with age is that you tend to forget and your
memory gets worse.  For example, just the other day I was looking
for my old friend's address and I couldn't find it for the life of
me. I have been meaning to connect with Sudar, but I just can't
track him down. You see. Sorry about that."

Gail: "But the fine is going to be huge. Are you going to pay it

Paul: "Gosh, I don't have much money, maybe you can lend me some
[for those who forget Twitch hit Gail up for several hundred dollars
when they were first dating]. By the way, what are you doing Friday
nite after you get off work. Do you wanna go out on a date?"

Gail: "Well, I don't usually date 'older' men."

Paul: "Me, old? I am a young buck. They used to know me as Peddar
which in Swedish translates as 'Big Peter' [TALK TO GOD 
relapse, sorry about that]. I may be short, I may be a little into
my second century, I may be broke, but check out these baby blue
eyes. How about it?"

Gail: "Sorry gramps, but I have made it my personal policy not to
date guys who have vivid memories of the Civil War. It's one thing
to date a guy who's 40 or so, quite another to date a guy who
partied with Abe Lincoln. No offense, but I like my references to be
post World War Two, not Pre-Electricity."

Paul [on the rebound and with style]: "No, no, no, I was just
teasing. I am not over 150, I am not even over 50 (oops). I am just
turning 40 (yea, that's the ticket--go Paul go). I was born in 1922.
If you don't believe me, you can ask my friend Jack Jarvis over at
the Seattle Post Intelligencer [Here Paul makes a mental note to
himself: 'Be sure to get that chump to write a bio of me......'].
It would be great to go out. I could make your soul travel, baby.
They don't call me the 'Twitch' for nothing."

Gail [pre-Vitamin manipulation days.... showing naiveness]:
"Really. Gosh you look older, not 150 mind you, but definitely over
50. Oh what the hell, yea I will go out with you. Where are we

Paul [no longer feeling like a 'Tiny Man', another TALK TO GOD
relapse]: "That's swell. I know of this cool cafe called Retz.
There is an Indian chef named Gopal Das and he serves a mean brain
and kidney combination. Always good to eat lots them, you know
[HERBS?]. Gakko, who owns the place, won't touch them though. But
he's from Venus, so like what does he know, if you get my drift?
Later on we could go over to Rebazar's hut. We first met in Baja
when I I almost ran  into his jeep. I tried to "pass him" [kudos to
Johnson for the Spanish translation] and didn't know I couldn't.
Rebasar, Rebazar, it's all foreign to me. Maybe we can even get
Fubbi to bring over the Eck Quartet. They don't play any of that Kal
Jazz stuff [Eck and Music]. Only one problem, can you lend me 300

Gail: [showing a bit of the shrewdness she would display later on
in the marriage]: "Okay, but you must promise to write me every week
until you pay me back! [Paul at this point says to himself, "Boy, I
hope i still have my copy of Path of the Masters. Julian is a
godsend for would-be letter writers"]. 

Paul: "Then it's a date. About that overdue book......"

Gail: "I got a plan..... Do you take vitamins?"


2. Then again, Twitchell could really be born in 1812. But if that's
true, then I just saw Elvis at the 31 flavor stand in Covent Garden.
He just got off the tube station with Jim Morrison and they both
ordered rocky road. Elvis is keen on Harrad's and was dying to get a
glimpse of the food court. Jim was tired of Paris and therefore came
over on the Chunnel. Too much fromage for him."

3. Then once again, if Twitchell was really over 155 years old when
he died, then I have total respect for his physical prowess. The guy
is amazing.

I wonder if Anya knew?

Maybe then she wouldn't have shown up to his hotel room unannoucnednced
at one o'clock in the morning.
[this is directly from official Eckankar literature, not Rife]

The guy is  pushing 160 years old.

It is little wonder he had a cardiac arrest.

He needed his sleep.

(in honor of Steve and typos)

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I want to go back to the home base now.