Author: David Christopher Lane
Publisher: The NEURAL SURFER
Publication date: March 1997

E-mail David Christopher Lane directly at

I want to go back to the home base now.


I am Enlightened Because I Say I Am


I got Laid by a Celestial Nymph on my Way to Trikuti


Lao Tzu says (or some guy we think is Lao Tzu but who is not--it
happens to be a cool statement all the same):

"Those who know, do not speak;
Those who speak, do not know"

Julian Johnson says: 

"Masters never boast of their mastership
or of their spiritual powers or attainments.  If any man claims to
have attained the highest in spiritual development, that claim
itself may be taken as conclusive proof that he has not attained
so much."

Or, from the common wisdom of junior high locker rooms:

"Those who really get laid, shut up about it;
those who don't get laid like to tell elaborate stories about it."


Just as there does not appear to be a "flawless" lineage in the Guru
World, there also does not appear to be a "perfect" method by which
to adjudicate the inner attainment of a Mystic.

Yet, I have noticed that if a guru does describe his or her inner
attainments or experiences or enlightenment, there is a tendency to
accept them as "proof" that he or she has actually attained such.
Additionally, if a guru says he or she    
sees nothing, or hears nothing, or struggles in meditation, or is
Not enlightened, there are those who see this as "evidence" that
he or she has no inner access, no inner attainment, no spiritual

I don't know if positive or negative statements about mystical
attainment (I saw a rainbow snowflake act as a Pauli electron with
nine tinkling bells in the middle of a diamond courtyard where
Ganesha danced to the pleasure of Jyoti or geez all I see is
this real thick blackness and flashes of my own boredom)
can be taken as literal certifications of anything.

The amount of people claiming some mystical insight runs into the
millions. We even have "two" Jesus' who appear regularly on the
Howard Stern Show (see E! or listen to his morning radio show).

So many claims and so many conflict with each other.....


The more esoteric the domain, the more difficult questions and
answers become.




Because if the majority do not have access to such rarefied realms,
then it is nearly impossible for the would-be seeker to ask an
intelligent question. And even if an answer were to be forthcoming
by the Mystic, how pertinent can the reply possibly be?


I wonder if Michael Jordan would go up to a four year old kid from
Tibet (who, arguably, didn't know much about basketball) and tell
him, "Yep, I am the greatest basketball player that ever lived."
What would such a claim possibly Mean to the kid who has no reference
point to properly gauge Jordan's talent?

Or, would Michael just start with the rudiments of the game and let
the ultimate judgement of his talent come of its own accord,
especially in the case of a 4 year old Tibetan?


If I have access to the Third Plane in shabd yoga, what does my
stating such have anything to do with my cat?

Would my cat care for such claims?

How would my cat begin to appraise such a mystical attainment?

Well, forget the cat, substitute it with a normal guy off the
street who has never had an NDE or an OBE or a Mystical Excursion.

How would he/she properly adjucicate the inner state?


Testimonies of inner experiences are Fancy Painted Cakes.

They are like the stories of Locker Room Kids in Junior High
bragging about their Sexual Conquests.

The only problem is that there is an 11 year old who has yet to
go through puberty. All the talk means Some-thing, but not the
Same-Thing his older friends are talking about......

Morever, it remains just that:



Now talking can get one motivated, just as painted cakes can
get one hungry...........................

But both have nothing to do with the actual Experience.......


I wonder if the Deepest Insight is also accompanied by the Deepest


Tulsi Sahib once stated in a rather obscure poem that God was
not that thing which was the Biggest or the most Powerful, but
rather it was that which was the 

Most Delicate.........................

In order to be ushered into that Delicate One's Court, Tulsi Sahib
argued, one had to become so tiny, so little, so soft, so
Otherwise, no entrance was allowed...............................

God as the Infinitely Delicate?

Even a whisper that one experienced IT meant quite clearly that
he or she had not.

As Mirdad states,

"Speech is at Best an Honest LIE."



I clearly don't know what I am talking about since
I have broken every rule I just suggested.

E-mail The Neural Surfer directly at

I want to go back to the home base now.